This #1 bestseller reveals the science-backed formula of how to elevate or save your relationship - even if your partner doesn't want to change.


I know that it is a bold claim but after years of coaching and saving relationships as "the couples coach who doesn't work with couples" I discovered something that I haven't seen anywhere else yet and no one is talking about.



The astounding science of how to elevate your relationship even without depending on your partner to change.

by Arno Koch

Get the Book Here

Loved this book. I read so many things that were very eye opening. Going to read it again.




The Kickstarter campaign for The Empowered Lover was successfully funded after only two weeks.

Reviews from Backers and beta-readers:

"It’s a beautifully written book, unlike any I’ve seen before, very helpful to improve personal relationships. Really, who doesn’t need that? " - Joanne

"What I find extremely outstanding about your book is that you provide such great practical tools. That you don't just teach theory, but that you get down to the nitty gritty, so it can be put it into practice and be applied easily to get immediate results. It fulfills what it promises." - Carina


Learn the fastest and simplest way to re-inject love, respect, trust and deep connection into your relationship and create the happily ever after relationship you're dreaming of.

Is This You?

Are you experiencing any of these points and need it to stop?

Here's the stuff that I hear daily and it is heart-wrenching... Do some of these points resonate with you?

  • Is your relationship hanging by a thread although you really love your partner?
  • Are you walking on eggshells in your partner's presence, feeling like you can’t be yourself at home? Or is your partner?
  • Does your partner bring up negative emotions in you from past relationships or trigger you just like previous partners did?
  • Do you feel more like room mates than lovers?
  • Is the trust in your relationship broken?
  • Are you arguing more than showing each other love and affection? If you have kids, are they suffering in that environment?
  • Have you or your partner used the dreaded words: "I Think I have fallen out of love."
  • No matter what you do, it doesn’t help or even makes things worse?

I hear you.


I lived in and through such relationships for the longest time of my life.

Ending one relationship after the other, always blaming my ex, just to repeat the cycle which ended in making my biggest fear come true: Divorce. That blemish, that stain that I never wanted to have on my life.

Even at that point, I just blamed my ex-wife and felt all good and righteous about myself... even believing that she changed me for the worse...

Until something unexpected happened.

I met my beautiful wife and mother of my children and within days (literally) I realized what I had learned in that horror relationship and started seeing things differently.

But then this fear crept in...

Every relationship had started like this... rainbows and unicorns...

What if I DID play a part in it and will start to sabotage this relationship as well?

I remembered someone telling me:

  • Once is an incident
  • Twice is a coincident
  • Three or more times is habit that you're playing your part in.

It was almost too painful to acknowledge. That's when I took a deep look inside, saw a therapist, a coach, studied NLP, worked on my trauma...

And asked myself a question:

Why did the relationship books that I read before make no difference?

Because they talk about how a relationship should be. What is right and what is wrong to do in a relationship.

And as a reader you notice the things that you're already doing - feeling good about yourself...

And the things your partner is not doing - and wishing for them to change, and to read the book, too!

It is time for a book that focuses on YOU. That empowers YOU to create the change in your relationship that you want to see.

Not in the spirit of "it's your fault" or it's your responsibility as in placing a 500 lb anvil on your shoulders. NO!

It is time for a book that gives you leverage. The gives you responsibility in the sense of response-ability. That helps you become a victor in your relationship.

To break the cycle of being the victim of your partner's misbehaviors and committing transgressions to them from a place of hurt and pain and the desire to restore the love that once was and that you so deserve.

The opposite of a victim is not a victimizer. The opposite of a victim is a victor. A victim sits back and focuses on how they can't do it alone. A victor embraces every piece of leverage she can find.

Like Jacky Chan using every weird object around him to fight off his opponent in his funny action movies.

The difference is, you're not fighting off an opponent.

You're about to restore the love of your life.

And this is the book which helps you discover how.

Get the Book Here

Let Me Ask You This

How long has it been since you've felt connected to your partner?

When was the last time you were absolutely happy in your relationship?

Are you devastated because you know you love your partner and deep down you know they love you, too, but you just don't know how to get the relationship back on track?

I Feel Your Pain Because I was Once You!

Now let me tell you who's fault it is.

You have always done the best you could with the resources you had available at the time.

In other words: It's not your fault.

But the same holds true for your partner, so it's not their fault either.

What are those resources?

You have your intellectual resources - so that you know what you should have said (or not said) 30 minutes earlier.

And you have your emotional resources... which were depleted in that moment of conflict. And when you're out of emotional resources, you don't have your intellectual resources available.

It's time to tap into new resources.


I was skeptical at first, how should one person in a relationship have the power to change the relationship without the cooperation of the partner?
This book has already helped me/us, changes are happening and I am the only one in our relationship who read it. It is easy to read and filled with real life examples that are relatable.
A powerful book - I am so glad I found it!


How are you supposed to elevate your relationship even without your partner changing ("But they HAVE to!")?

Let me explain:

Most of your behaviors are responses to your environment - which your partner is a big part of.

Those urks and triggers...

Now the same holds true to your partner - you are a prominent part of their environment and what you do results in many of their behaviors.

So when you change and show new responses to what they do, then your partner's old behaviors make no sense anymore.

And they


Now here is the problem:

You don't know how they will change. This uncertainty... and uncertainty means danger. Why? Because all dangerous moments have one big thing in common - uncertainty. So your unconscious mind asserts that the opposite must be true, too.

But here's the deal:

If your partner loves you and is a person of basic goodwill, then your change will lead to a positive change in them.

So how can this book make a difference?

Let's take a look inside and you can decide for yourself if you have seen this anywhere else before and if this makes sense:

Part 1: It's all in your head, but is it?

In this part I share more about my own struggles that led to the toxic behaviors that I demonstrated in my relationships. Childhood experience that shaped how I went about conflicts in my relationships. Experiences with my parents, my sister and traumatic stuff that happened that even lead to panic attacks. You will find that you're not alone.

You will learn about how your and your partner's unconscious minds work to find empathy for yourself and them. For them? Yes, but not to soften your boundaries but to enforce them with love instead of feeling personally offended.

Part 2: Overcome the shadows of the past.

You will learn about trauma, different forms of trauma and how to overcome them and even the opposite of trauma: Emotional Treasures that serve you.

Part 3: Master the inside game

The prerequisite to communicating effectively with your loved one is communicating effectively with yourself. In this part of the book you will hone in on that and learn powerful tools to stay calm in moments of turmoil and master your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual state.

Part 4: Love-Based Language

Love-Based Language is what I call the way to speak with a partner so that you not only present yourself with loving intentions (which I know you have) but express them so that your partner feels them and becomes as likely as possible to fulfill your needs. This is the biggest part of the book!

Part 5: The edges of relationships.

Yes, some relationships are prone to end. I felt that some readers may ask themselves "Is it time to break up?" Although this chapter will not answer that question for you - only you can do that - it will help you find clarity.

And for the singles that are reading this book I added a chapter on dating.


Click the button below to buy this relationship-transforming book for only $18.99

Yes...I want to read "The Empowered Lover"

Reading this book will show you

How to effectively set and force boundaries in your relationship.

What apologizing really means and how you can use apologies to elevate your relationship and how to respond to apologies that don't work for you.

Discover decision making styles and how different decision making styles can wreak havoc on many relationship - and how to overcome this problem.

How to deal with your own frustrations and your partner's frustrations in a productive way that dissolves them.

To connect with your partner on a deep level - Improving a relationship is not only about solving conflicts. In the end that may leave you still in a miserable relationship - just with better fights. No fun. So this book also looks into how to make the happy or average moments happier.

That you can't get rid of conflicts. You're in conflict with yourself all the time. What are they called? - Decision that you have to make, your past mistakes that you discover and any time a reality unfolds of which you wished it didn't. As you can't stop those things, you can't stop having conflicts with yourself or your partner.
But you can go about those conflicts in an empowered way.

You will discover various typical scenarios of how partners can misunderstand each other and how to respond effectively and how to prevent many of them.

As you read this far, I want to invite you to read on.

304 pages of relationship transforming insights, metaphors and actionable tools are waiting for you.

Why buy it here? - Because you will receive three bonuses:

  1. Bonus: You will also receive the book in kindle, epub and pdf format.
  2. Bonus: You will also receive the audio book that is coming out in November.
  3. Bonus: You will also receive a manifesto with the most important takeaways for you to print out and pin where you can see it.
Get the book and read on.

Contact me HERE for any questions.

Much Love,



P.S.: If you prefer, buy the book without the bonuses on Amazon instead.